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Saturday, March 13, 2010

I have no idea what to title this post.

In July 2007 my dad had a massive seizure and it was discovered that there was a brain tumor the size of a softball. The benign tumor was successfully removed within the week. He had another seizure in July 2008, a possible side effect of the tumor and removal.

My mom passed away in December 2008 of breast cancer metastasizes. She had battled cancer for 12 years and the last few years were very hard on her physically. She had fallen and was taken to the ER. She had not broken any bones and didn't seem to have anything seriously wrong but she could not sit up, much less stand even with assistance; it was excruciating pain to her.

She spent the next month-and-a-half in the rehabilitation ward at the hospital working towards being able to go home. She would have several good days and then several bad days. The good days were not consistent enough to be able to release her so she was sent to a wonderful hospice facility. Numerous times they wanted to send her home as a inpatient hospice facility generally cares for patients that can not be cared for at home. Her caseworker asked for several extensions for her stay and we will be forever grateful to the staff at the hospice facility.

When my mom passed away, it was something that we were all expecting. We knew several weeks beforehand that it would be soon and we were able to be with her during her last moments. I had a lot of peace in my soul when it came.

Tuesday my dad passed away suddenly. The past year-and-a-half he has had several mental obstacles such as paranoia and olfactory hallucenations. On January 28, he attempted suicide but only because he had recently been hearing voices. He was seeing a new psychiatrist that had put him on different medication. Since the medication was new, he was taking the lowest dose. No one was contacted when he was taken to the hospital and the next day his apartment manager called to discuss the events of the previous night. That day was the first day of the "Winter Storm of 2010" for Oklahoma; no one was getting out unless they had to and my aunt was in California. Note: My aunt and grandmother have been handling my parents' affairs for about the last 3 years.

After the attempted suicide his doctor upped the medication and my dad seemed to be doing very well. He had moved into a new apartment on Halloween 2009 and had a hard time focusing on getting everything unpacked and put up/away the way he wanted it. He finally had accomplished this just last week.

Even though we live in the same city (well, metro area really) my kids, his only grandkids, had not seen him in almost 2 months. He was very involved at his church and attended at least 3-4 times per week. My kids go to their dad's 2 evenings, but not overnights, a week and every other weekend. KG also has dance once a week. So between both schedules trying to get together proved a little difficult. Any time we finally agreed on something, he would normally cancel because he had worn himself out that day.

It appears that he had a seizure on Tuesday afternoon while getting ready to go to a doctor's appointment at 4pm. My grandmother and my aunt normally talk to him numerous times throughout the day but my grandmother had been unable to reach him Tuesday afternoon. She tried again after he had enough time to get home from his appointment but was still unsuccessful; she figured that he had gone to his favorite restaurant for dinner.

By 7:30pm she had still not been able to reach him and decided that she would go to the apartment to see if he and/or the car was there. His car (it's really her car) was there so she let herself in to the apartment. The music was playing and the lights were all on so she went upstairs. She found him collapsed in the bathroom. It appeared that he was brushing his teeth when it happened. Everything after that was a whirlwind.

His service is tomorrow morning and I should really be getting to bed. I have not made my peace with this and will likely not until at least when we get the Medical Examiner's report which could take 3-4 months. I had just talked to him on Monday night about letting one of the kids stay the night with him. He was so excited to have everything ready for them to come over. I didn't tell him no but we tabled the discussion for later.

It is all still very surreal for me and I have just been going through the motions. It really hits me at night when it is quiet and my mind goes to racing. I know that some day I will make my peace but right now it all just seems so unfinished.

RIP Momma
March 13, 1947 - December 2, 2009

RIP Daddy
August 16, 1951 - March 9, 2010


  1. so sorry to hear about your Dad, just wanted to send my condolences to you.
    (I recently found your blog via YNAB)

  2. Sarah,
    I just read this post, and I am awfully sorry that I have delayed my reading of this for so long. I lost my dad unexpectedly in 2009 (on a Tuesday, as well); no warning signs or anything (he had a massive stroke). If you ever need someone to talk to, please e-mail me: - Anonymity out the window, I would love to help you however I can.